Thursday, October 9, 2008

Apparent Loss of Control


Losing control is so bad, right? Being past the point of comfort and far away from your normal center in public can be scary and panic laden for some. Loss of control in any form in public, in your private moments, among friends or competition is usually avoided as one of those thought patterns that take away our ease, our 'Me'. Who would we be if we didn't care enough, didn't control how we acted or were perceived? How will others see us if we lose control? Weak? Stupid? Non-professional? Less than? Foolish and capricious?

What about losing control of attachments? Attachments that tend to own more of who you are than what is owned. Still bad? Losing the control of the impulse to add to things and thoughts to the idea we have of our self to amplify that self.

Wanting, desiring, searching for what might better serve our selves in the future is a constant pastime for most folks simply trying to make a better life, a better future, a better illusion. What gave you the idea that you were not complete and needed these things you seek? There is no judgement involved in these questions, rather just a start of an inquiry that may assist in defining in a more real capacity of who you really are in relation to what is or not is in control in your life. 

This is a low grade intellectual exercise, but there is a deeper component to this path if carried out as a personal inquiry. A bit more on that later. For now, what is your connection to control in your life? Beyond the obvious and necessary control events needed to function and maintain health and safety for all involved, the need or desire to control beyond these stages bear further examination. The examination can be helpful in freeing up some blocked chunk that put a veil over why you are actually trying to control objects, others, time and needing to be viewed and understood a certain way to fulfill the ego.

The questioning about what place control has in your life can answer many questions about you connection to purpose and life. What am I trying to control? Why Am I doing it? What am I gaining or losing from controlling or suppressing stuff and urges and others?

The mind as a tool is very good at trying to control as many factors about our life as possible. It is useful, practical and healthy. Factors such as weather conditions, behaviours of others and natural disasters cannot be directly controlled by the mind. What the mind's idea of control means to each individual is different, but the same across all beings and cultures. What the mind will do is process a storm of thoughts which produce the lightening and heat of emotions that make us believe we can control the situations by making us 'feel' one way toward them.

For example, you are planning to golf Saturday, but the weather changes and your car breaks down on the highway in the pouring rain on the way to the golf course. Can't change the weather can you? But the mind will still try to exert control by making your emotions label the situation or yourself as angry, victim, a cosmic joke, abandoned, etc. If you allow yourself to follow the emotion, you will regain control over the situation through an emotional, thought-based reaction. Now you are angry or sulking or feeling abandoned by the universe because you didn't get your wish of playing golf in the sunshine. But you 'feel' closer to 'Me' as the role of the angry victim whom no one understands. Boo hoo, but it's not the
you. All that happened is that circumstance, cause and effect has taken place in the physical causing your apparent loss of control in the situation. This existed in the mind as your 'Me' gloriously flailing in the golden sunshine and deep admiration of your friends on a perfect Saturday playing a championship round of golf. Now it has changed and you are waiting by the side of the road for a tow to a service station and a hit on your wallet, and you're catching a cold.

There is a further, very personal exercise of inquiring about the 'Me' and who that really is - and it is not a mental exercise. This inquiry involves a real dedication to finding out who exists behind the eyes that see out into the perceived world. The inquiry has a way of showing how and why you think you are separate from others and why you think 'Me' is real because you have a name, SS# and a heartbeat. We can explore this more in depth in a future post. In the meantime, what is your current position on how well you are controlling or not controlling your life? Why is it important to you?

One Love

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