Sunday, November 30, 2008

Challenges and Refusal

After a particularly physically
three weeks, this small slideshow of quotes really helped to put things in perspective. It is called LifeSeries for its content of selected favorite quotes encountered online. These quotes, from self realized teachers, masters and amazing individuals, focus on the true Self. Inquiring into the sense of 'I Am' can bring an observation of clear awareness and reveal what it is you are not. Music track by psiplex.

LifeSeries_Quotations About Self Realization from Psiplex on Vimeo.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Complications - Update

While the last two weeks have been rather cheerless with complications from surgery, it has also been very instructive and not without joy. Two Friday's ago, this body/mind emerged from anesthesia to a new world o' hurtin'. More cancer was removed, which in itself is good, but troubling as it means growth has not stopped. It is what it is, and new possibilities are being looked at. There is no ideal situation, but there is a journey.

The body/mind works pretty well with routine. Breaking it, in the form of surgery, different diet, pain management and side effects of same can really throw the natural balance far afield. In this case, that is the case. This new unnatural rhythm promotes different thoughts and physical reactions. Keeping this observation in present awareness allows what is necessary and useful to continue and what is not to be dropped.

The journey alluded to earlier is a mostly horizontal one. Being in bed a good part of the day is not a first choice, but one that is required for rest and recovery. What is realized is: Love is still love, the Divine that looked after me to this point still does, those brave souls who love me continue to do so and there is a new respect for life even in these circumstances. This, in the words of
"is a temporary form for the expression of emptiness". I am aware of this cancer, but I am not the cancer, nor its cause nor its course. My true natural Self is part of life, combined with life and flowing with life. The cancer has an expression in awareness, but is not awareness, which I am. That may be a little tough to steer through, but it simply means that my true nature is life, peace, joy and love. There is no identification with the cancer as a 'me'. It just is. In stillness, in the present moment, I am connected to life and therefore all is being done as it should.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Out of the Hospital – Cancer Update


This past week has been a week of patently unexpected results, of turnarounds and non-linear, seemingly non-connected events. A week of non-conclusive, yet painful strings of events and hints of other things not yet determined. Doesn't sound all too clear does it? Here is how it played out. Went in for pre-op at the hospital around 11 am for a 12:30 start. Met with the anesthesiologist and surgeon, got the party hat and was wheeled into the OR at 12:30 pm woke in recovery about 3:30 or 4 pm and was not really fully awake until about 6 pm. For some reason, always have trouble coming out of the fog of anesthesia immediately. Staff in the recovery room is notified of a permanent room available around 7 pm and up, up the elevator to the room to settle in. My wife, my strength and my best friend in life is crying. She says to keep fighting. I said sure, you know, that's what it is all about. She and the surgeon had talked and it turns out that the sub mandibular gland excision went without a hitch. Real easy going. The unexpected part was the biopsy on the left side of the tongue. That's why my wife was crying. Apparently, the cancer had done a skip-tissue, which was explained to me as hiding or camouflaging itself in the existing swelling and scar tissue only to reemerge at another spot, my tongue.

The surgeon said there is no way (as of that day) to know if they got all the cancer. He said that there are other treatment centers around the country that have an extended program for post surgery skin grafts and experimental programs. With this case, the Surgeon just couldn't tell if the cancer would still use the skip tissue to resurface. After exhausting all of the available chemo and radiation therapy treatments, surgery is the only way to keep up with the cancer. There will be more follow-ups and tests over the next few weeks, but to hear that the cancer is still progressing after all the other surgeries and treatments is still a trip.

Cancer, in this case is like a fight with a championship professional boxer who has an unorthodox style. Kind of like
. Sure, they can do all the basics, but their strength is their unorthodox style in which you get hit from somewhat impossible angles- you never see it coming. Oh, their defense is good too, so what you throw back might not get in. The non-linearity of cancer's patterning is one of its deadly strengths. So now the process is to be aware of any changes and keep the followups and options on the front burner. Thanks to all you who have sent personal E-mails! Grateful for your love, support, prayers and strength! Gonna be wobbly for a bit, but should be able to post more shortly.

Click on the link to
Health System's article on dealing with a family member's cancer during the holiday. Thanks for checking in!

One Love

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Battle Rejoined – Cancer Update

Jets and Helicopter Image

This week brings another chapter in focus on my ongoing
and survivorship with head and neck cancer. Learn more about a general description of head and neck cancer at
web site
as well as the
, the
link as well as the
During a follow up visit to the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) surgeon about 6 weeks ago, there was a concern over some scar tissue and swelling in the region under my chin. Previous surgeries for the right radial neck dissection and
(partial removal of the tongue) along with the radiation treatments seemed to have impacted this area under the tongue and below the chin called the
.This is one of the glands that make saliva to help break down food. In this case, the subsequent swelling and closing of the gland has caused a lot of discomfort and is not alleviated by a standard prescribed steroid called
. After six weeks of various antibiotics and Prednisolone, the sub mandibular gland is still defiant. The only solution, at this juncture is to have it removed by surgery. The procedure itself is not a drastic one, nor necessarily painful and will allow the other salivary ducts to 'take over' and create saliva even when this one is removed. The surgery is scheduled for this Friday, with about a two-day hospital recovery expected. Previous surgeries and the nasty radiation treatments will make this a bit tougher, but not impossible to recover from. Seems the more surgeries after treatment makes the system have to work harder for healing resources to spring back, but it is all possible with good rest, care and nutrition and exercise. Stitches come out in a week and everything gets back to 00.

So what is the current state of affairs? Here is a quick breakdown:

: None, why? It is what it is. The Source that has brought me this far in this eternal present moment is sufficient to do the same. All out of my hands, so there is nothing to do but live fully in stillness in this present moment in joy, peace and thankfulness.

Past thoughts
: Looking behind me, there is no past to convict, taunt, worry about or consider. The past is just a thought like a passing cloud over a blue sky. I may notice a wisp of cloud and go on my way. There is no past, good, painful or otherwise. This present moment is sufficient :-)

The Future-Worries and To Do's
: The future is a thought projection that falsely creates a scenario of what 'I' will be if there are no actions/some actions taken to be a 'better self'.
outside of necessary schedule planning and preparation, there is nothing to consider. My 'Self' is present and aware right NOW, the future is just another present moment. If one is not happy in the present, the future can only ever be another present moment with a different calendar date. Learn more about being aware and joyful in the present moment with these previous posting on Psiplex:


These posts point to finding your true nature, who you are beyond the narrow and limited description of the 'me' you identify with.

Sure, going in for surgery is never a welcome prospect, but in battling and surviving cancer, the battle must be engaged, the process trusted to the Source and the awareness, acceptance, and lessons of the journey apprehended in surrender and gratefulness. Resistance to this is morbidly stupid, as
what to be got to be
(Bob Marley). So, presently, there are not worries, just a quiet observation of the facts arising in consciousness and a joy and bliss in being here right NOW. New posts next week!

One Love

Monday, November 3, 2008

Recognizing Your Self


Put together a new short video clip around the subject of '
Recognizing Your Self
'. The 'Self' being the true nature of who you are without identification of the role you play in everyday life. 'Recognizing Your Self' is a collection of quotes from the masters that point to realizing the true self – Who you were before you adopted the 'me' you think you are.
a lot of this ground has been covered in the previous post called '
' which you can check out by scrolling down or clicking the link.

This clip appears on the Psiplex Vimeo channel called '
' as well as the
The most important factor to consider is taking a look at what dissatisfaction there is in the current state of life and following the self inquiry “Who Am I?” to discover what it is you really, really want from life and the path to your purpose in life. It is my wish that the quotes shown in the video will inspire and point to what you may be looking for – your true self behind the veil of illusion.

The links in the video from quotes of self-realized masters are as follows:

Please leave your views on searching for what it is you are not, and what you discover.

One Love


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