Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cancer is Selfish


Here's why- this brief pathetic rundown of a typical day:

Appointment for MRI spinal scan and bloodwork, call health care system to deliver next month's tube feeding supplies before they run out. Call to see if the results came back from the testing place and to see if Doctor X's MA had received them. Run to bathroom. Call pharmacy to see if prescriptions have been called in , price and pickup time. Call for a ride to go to pharmacy and pick up medical records to go to Oncologist.

Flush PEG Tube and take steroid to prevent inflammation. Run to bathroom. Time for pain medication and anti-nausea. Call advocate and let him know how this week is going. Fatigue? Nausea? Anemic? Swollen ankles and knees make it hard to get a walk in. Low blood pressure. High blood pressure. Hangin' in there- talk to you next week. Schedule physical therapy for next week. Google calendar updates. Check E-mail for responses. Search for side effects of erbitux. Run to bathroom. Do I have time to go outside and play with you my beautiful godson? Not today, feeling tired,let's see if tomorrow works out better. Call back from chemotherapy infusion- all set for next week-schedule changed. Run to bathroom.

Cancer is selfish. There is rarely a minute that passes that does not include an 'I' thought about preparing, medicating or following up on the treatment for cancer in the course of a day. Hey, it's different for everybody, even those diagnosed with the exact same type of cancer- each one reacts based on their own genetics and physiology. The whole practice is so 'me' oriented that it is embarrassing. Not keeping up means more suffering for those around you who love you and the shell being wracked with this disgusting disease. 

Telling you this only to frame the absolute gratefulness and love I have for those who sacrifice daily to care for me. They stand in relief from the background of a 'me' oriented world as they are the foundation and resource of life on an hourly basis. Having family and friends who love and care for you is one of the most important weapons in battling cancer. I cannot express enough love and gratitude for my lovely life partner and best friend D whose beautiful strength and patience has made me appreciate her in new ways. To my brothers from other mothers who carry the day and my skinny ass from place to place and to the fam who rocks all the support one could wish for. The understanding provided by my 'home team' is the reason you are reading this today. So today, is a quiet battle to rest from all the chemo, blood work, MRI scans, shuttling to and from the hospital and med tech centers and to appreciate others. Good not to forget myself for awhile and take joy in the warm human kindness of those who have love and compassion in their souls.

Cancer Resource Links to Check Out

The Psiplex Platform 58 photo slideshow - Staying creative!

Kick Rocks!

One Love


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