The Battle Rejoined – Cancer Update

This week brings another chapter in focus on my ongoing

battle

and survivorship with head and neck cancer. Learn more about a general description of head and neck cancer at

Caring4Cancer's

web site

as well as the

National Cancer Institute

, the

CancerCare

link as well as the

American Cancer Society

During a follow up visit to the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) surgeon about 6 weeks ago, there was a concern over some scar tissue and swelling in the region under my chin. Previous surgeries for the right radial neck dissection and

hemiglossectomy

(partial removal of the tongue) along with the radiation treatments seemed to have impacted this area under the tongue and below the chin called the

sub-mandibular gland

.This is one of the glands that make saliva to help break down food. In this case, the subsequent swelling and closing of the gland has caused a lot of discomfort and is not alleviated by a standard prescribed steroid called

Prednisolone

. After six weeks of various antibiotics and Prednisolone, the sub mandibular gland is still defiant. The only solution, at this juncture is to have it removed by surgery. The procedure itself is not a drastic one, nor necessarily painful and will allow the other salivary ducts to 'take over' and create saliva even when this one is removed. The surgery is scheduled for this Friday, with about a two-day hospital recovery expected. Previous surgeries and the nasty radiation treatments will make this a bit tougher, but not impossible to recover from. Seems the more surgeries after treatment makes the system have to work harder for healing resources to spring back, but it is all possible with good rest, care and nutrition and exercise. Stitches come out in a week and everything gets back to 00.

So what is the current state of affairs? Here is a quick breakdown:

Fears/Worries

: None, why? It is what it is. The Source that has brought me this far in this eternal present moment is sufficient to do the same. All out of my hands, so there is nothing to do but live fully in stillness in this present moment in joy, peace and thankfulness.

Past thoughts

: Looking behind me, there is no past to convict, taunt, worry about or consider. The past is just a thought like a passing cloud over a blue sky. I may notice a wisp of cloud and go on my way. There is no past, good, painful or otherwise. This present moment is sufficient :-)

The Future-Worries and To Do's

: The future is a thought projection that falsely creates a scenario of what 'I' will be if there are no actions/some actions taken to be a 'better self'.
outside of necessary schedule planning and preparation, there is nothing to consider. My 'Self' is present and aware right NOW, the future is just another present moment. If one is not happy in the present, the future can only ever be another present moment with a different calendar date. Learn more about being aware and joyful in the present moment with these previous posting on Psiplex:

Drop the Concept

:

Infinity Deep

Apparent Loss of Control

Look What I Did! Controlled Delusion

These posts point to finding your true nature, who you are beyond the narrow and limited description of the 'me' you identify with.

Sure, going in for surgery is never a welcome prospect, but in battling and surviving cancer, the battle must be engaged, the process trusted to the Source and the awareness, acceptance, and lessons of the journey apprehended in surrender and gratefulness. Resistance to this is morbidly stupid, as

what to be got to be

(Bob Marley). So, presently, there are not worries, just a quiet observation of the facts arising in consciousness and a joy and bliss in being here right NOW. New posts next week!

One Love

Everything is Speed

A bit wobbly and weak this morning, but on the slow road to recovery. The swelling on my ankles has subsided and the general anesthesia-induced lethargy is dissolving. The after effects of most of Thursday's surgery is subsiding and a somewhat normal thought process is coming round. Many thanks to all my family, friends, associates and supporters for your kind words of encouragement!

With cancer diagnosis and treatment, everything is speed. The rapidity of cancer cell growth is wicked fast. The best hope is a fast track to your doctor, oral surgeon, ENT or regular physical to monitor any changes in your body. You have to be on alert for changes but not in a state of constant suspicion or panic - use common sense. For head and neck cancer, being aware of changes to your tongue, tonsils, neck, lymph nodes, nasal passages, eye area and skin is critical. Speed in determining the prognosis and treatment cycle often means the probability in successfully beating cancer.
There are many resources available, some of the few of which are:

Caring4Cancer

Cancer Compass Information

The Cancer Compass Message Boards - where you can find out about various cancer

The American Cancer Society - You can find out about community resources and more

A great article on combining radiation and surgery for head and neck cancer patients

A man by the name of Brian Ankner is fighting tongue cancer and has a blog with photos available at

Send along your comments suggestions and stories via the comments section (click on the text link 'comments' to add yours). All are appreciated!

Identifying With Your Cancer

In posting experiences to the Psiplex Blog, I often mention for new readers that I am battling and surviving head and neck cancer. I am, in some fashion apprising others of a condition. But is that all there is to it, or is there more? In speaking with other cancer survivors as well as responding on forums like CancerCompass and Caring4Cancer I see a lot of patients/survivors phrase their experience by saying: 'my breast cancer', 'my throat cancer', or 'my cancer journey'. What does this really mean? Are these folks and myself identifying with cancer as to say I and my cancer are one and the same'? In a way, we, as human beings often need to associate with something bigger than ourselves. This depends on what stage of life and maturity you are in at the moment, but it is a fact. For example, we can associate the work we do to earn an income with the larger organization we work with. If I make my living as a residential realtor, I may identify myself with the parent company who makes hundreds of millions of dollars per year. I may associate my self with a larger organized entity in my beliefs, vocation and personal interests. I may not see myself as a single lonely web developer, but as a part of a larger web developer community that is well respected. It seems to be a hallmark of our nature and our egos to be a part of something bigger and perhaps more 'meaningful'. Hey, I'm a card-carrying member of [insert your organization here], my friend. These days, I am trying to be careful not to equate my identity with my cancer battle and survivorship. The part of me creating music and graphics is not my cancer, so I have clarity to separate the effect from the cause.

What aspect of your cancer journey are you really linked to? Has the ordeal itself somehow become you? With cancer or any other life threatening illness, is this mentally and spiritually healthy? From my personal viewpoint, this is not a good way to go and here's why: I do not believe my illness or my physical condition is the essential 'me'. Huh? I do not believe the pattern of cells making up my physical human form is my energy, that is, my life energy. May sound a bit like new age spew, but think about it, the state of your physical form at 18, 29, 45, 60, 80 is not the same. The 'me' you are in at this moment as you read this will change fundamentally in 20 years. Are you still 'me'? A part of you will be, a part of you will not be. Your container, your beautifully fit, tanned, well groomed and well cared for outer 'me' at the peak of your physicality will not be nearly the same at age 77. No kiddin'. Neither will your much vaunted (and maybe over-valued) brain. Are either of these cell-based entities the real you? I freaking hope not. Well, neither is your cancer or life threatening disease, or the mole on your chin. They just aren't you! The thoughts, beliefs and emotions you schlep around with each day contribute to your identity you have of your 'me' and your view of what others say about the you they believe is you adds to this 'me'.

Conformist, no-conformist, corporate rock star, geek girl optima, mad hatter or button-down cubicle droid, our portable exterior 'me' chunks are only the external manifestations of what we and others bolt on to it. The portable exterior 'me' can be influenced by your perception and what you allow others to bolt on. It takes another kind of journey to find out this is not so. Are you identifying with your cancer or are you going further in your inward journey to discover the 'ah-ha' moment?

Set your ego aside and let me know what you come up with. I'll set mine aside to humbly and quietly listen.

One Love

Paying for Cancer Care: Caring 4 Cancer and News

It's been a wonderful week in getting the Graphic Flux Design Challenge in motion. Today, however, I wanted to get back to some important cancer information and links to share with everyone.

Paying for cancer care can be financially devastating. Along with the diagnosis, this one-two punch can severely restrict individuals and families and clobber them right when they need the most support.

There is a wonderfully helpful web site called Caring 4 Cancer that is a good starting point to learn about the physical, emotional and financial aspects of diagnosis, treatment and survivorship. Being able to learn how to go about your cancer care is laid out in easy to digest sections with more detail added as you go further into each section. For example, in my case, I look up 'Head and Neck Cancer' and find a general description of the cancer and I can click to learn more in depth information. Nice and simple.

As for the Financial Support section, there is a concise layout for understanding the steps necessary to confront the cost of dealing with cancer. The sections are:
• Navigating the Payment Maze
• The Basics of Insurance
• Understanding Managed Care
• Understanding Medicaid
• Understanding Medicare
• Help with Medical Costs
• 2 eNewsletter subscriptions

Most families impacted by a love ones' cancer diagnosis will have to deal with the financial and insurance-relate aspects of the treatment. Pleas let me know if I can add other links and information by commenting.

Cancer News

One of the web sites I have come to use on a daily basis is Cancer Compass. Just noticed their Cancer News had an interesting article on HPV and its link to cancer. My ENT (ear nose and throat specialist) as well as my Radiology Oncologist strongly suggested HPV as a major cause in newer diagnosis of the type of cancer I am battling. My ENT said that acid reflux, in all likelihood, was the cause of my tumor on the base of my tongue. I was shocked as I never really felt like I had heartburn or anything, but following his suggestions and looking further into it, I agree with his prognosis. As a result I am taking Prevacid Solutabs to manage the acid in my stomach. The HPV findings are a real eye opener in the cancer community and my Radiology Oncologist shared that with me on my last visit. They are extremely interested in pursuing all related research to confirm HPV as a major cause on developing cancer. You can read more about the latest news at Cancer Compass and the article “Researchers Blame Hpv For Rise In Throat Cancer” HPV and cancer.

While the ongoing Graphics Flux Design Challenge is a creative blast, I want to continue offering other cancer-related information to you as well as creative and artistic offerings. Have a fun weekend! One Love.