Saturday, November 22, 2008

Complications - Update

While the last two weeks have been rather cheerless with complications from surgery, it has also been very instructive and not without joy. Two Friday's ago, this body/mind emerged from anesthesia to a new world o' hurtin'. More cancer was removed, which in itself is good, but troubling as it means growth has not stopped. It is what it is, and new possibilities are being looked at. There is no ideal situation, but there is a journey.

The body/mind works pretty well with routine. Breaking it, in the form of surgery, different diet, pain management and side effects of same can really throw the natural balance far afield. In this case, that is the case. This new unnatural rhythm promotes different thoughts and physical reactions. Keeping this observation in present awareness allows what is necessary and useful to continue and what is not to be dropped.

The journey alluded to earlier is a mostly horizontal one. Being in bed a good part of the day is not a first choice, but one that is required for rest and recovery. What is realized is: Love is still love, the Divine that looked after me to this point still does, those brave souls who love me continue to do so and there is a new respect for life even in these circumstances. This, in the words of
"is a temporary form for the expression of emptiness". I am aware of this cancer, but I am not the cancer, nor its cause nor its course. My true natural Self is part of life, combined with life and flowing with life. The cancer has an expression in awareness, but is not awareness, which I am. That may be a little tough to steer through, but it simply means that my true nature is life, peace, joy and love. There is no identification with the cancer as a 'me'. It just is. In stillness, in the present moment, I am connected to life and therefore all is being done as it should.


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