Over the course of self inquiry and getting to know, on a personal level, the reality of 'Who Am I?', the last few weeks have brought insight, awareness and blessings. Self inquiry is, for the most part, a way of finding out what one is not and knowing the true self. Reflections and observations are meant to clear any blockages and examine what remains. Our personal relationship to the willingness to love (in totality) is definitive of how we flow with life. Opening to love is the open door to life, and expansion into life. Resistance to love or fear is a lessening, a contraction of what that potential is. What we see in ourselves as true in this regard can be seen in others. We are all connected so what is true about the totality of truth and the nature of love is true universally. There is only one source.
Wanted to share a recollection of two distinct and memorable individuals encountered while working years ago in video production. These two people, a dude I'll call '
Zomperz
' and and a lady I'll call '
The Voodoo Queen
', were two keen examples of soul, humanity and coming to grips with who we think we are. There are no judgments or condemnation of the characterizations and the actual individuals referred to as Zomperz and the Voodoo Queen, as they only acted on what they knew ho to do. Their story, intertwines with the process of self discovery and the seeking of the true nature of our being.
At the time of encountering these folks, I was not really in a place to offer them much more than respect and a kind of space to have as much room as they needed for their space. Perhaps the following can be seen as judgmental, but now, in the present moment, there is only love and respect for them.
Zompers and the Voodoo Queen are two opposites of egoic personality traits (they themselves are fine and perfect) one being an extremely extroverted personality, the Voodoo Queen, and Zompers being the opposite. This is their tale.
Two extremes of personality. The internalized emotional recluse and the bombastic, on the edge extrovert both operating from sadness, fear and a false sense of control. Both sought wholeness. Both did not realize that they are whole, but chose to identify themselves with a mind-made image of who they perceived themselves to be. The human and the being in them are not integrated, not understood to be whole and the resulting forms identified with each of these persons lead to their fear-based actions and suffering.
Zomperz was self destructive in that he did not want to look at the true cause of his suffocating sadness, experience it fully, or go deeper to transcend it. Going deeper, looking at what is bothering oneself, finding a willingness to do so is sometimes enough to start the inquiry as to why one is suffering and experiencing separateness and anti-social behavior. It is private and one has to find the strength to surrender to this very vulnerable but necessary clearing process. Usually, this involves the assistance of trained professionals, however the human spirit is capable of undertaking the journey. Zomperz amazing ability to wall his being off from others was the result of his internalized pain that he chose to believe was his true self. His suffering, palpable and persistent, radiated such an agonizing energy, he repulsed nearly everyone he met as no one knew how to approach his internal suffering on that intense level. No one truly wants to be around somebody so emotionally scarred and negative that they cannot even recognize another in the room, let alone communicate. So contracted and withdrawn was Zomperz that he identified with the suffering as his true nature. He became it. He radiated it. It oozed from him. Of course, odd behavior of diet, obsessive/compulsive practices, peculiar self-destructive comments and a thousand mile stare gave his countenance the appearance of someone deeply disturbed and haunted. Yet Zomperz needed the company of others because he could no longer stand what he let himself become. On one occasion, he stalked a crew member's girlfriend he was obsessing over and had a restraining order placed to keep him away from her. There was a lot bubbling under the surface of a disturbingly quiet exterior. He craved separateness, but hated to be alone. The days and nights lost in thought only made the walls higher, the world pushed back further to the edges of the Zomperz universe. The sadness and emptiness were so palpable in Zomperz presence as to feel it within a few yards of his physical body. By shunning all approaches of folks who sought to alleviate his suffering if only through a chat or cup of coffee, Zomperz 'controlled' his world view and his idea of his sad sack self exactly as he needed it to be. Zomperz false sense of control only left him more guarded and paranoid about what others said about him. By not going deeper into the actual cause of the sadness and the possibility of transcending it, Zomperz was swimming in the 'deliciousness' of his suffering and tasting it daily. His suffering self was more real and acceptable than his true nature, unconditional love.
The Voodoo Queen, on the other hand, sought attention and conflict to feed the external and separate idea of herself almost every minute. Her total separateness, while similar to Zomperz, was from the same unconditional love in her extreme extroverted self. Conflict fed the Voodoo Queen's need to manifest herself larger in the world by being aggressive, loud, emotional and supercharged. In an excited state, there literally was no room for another personality within 20 feet of her. Alternately or consecutively a superior high-powered bible-thumping teacher and an abused victim, she used both polarities in service to raise or lower herself above each person she met. If the person she encountered were to be considered above or below her pre-defined status, she adopted the explosive bible quoting teacher role or the hapless victim of sorrows. Her willingness to look deeper and transcend her sadness was avoided, like Zomperz, as long as she could focus on her persona as the strident, bombastic evangelical firebrand or the weeping victim cursed and outcast from society. Usually dragging her two teenage daughters reluctantly behind her in a trail of tears, screams, chaos and dynamic public outbursts of emotion, the Voodoo Queen with daughters in tow was a maelstrom of unfocused energy. The Voodoo Queen was an enigmatic public access television personality who completely identified with her mind made persona. She was the spiritually enlightened caribbean bible teacher and the cast away, persecuted victim of the American Government system of control. Both of course, were a type of mental construct meant to make greater or less than anyone she encountered. This fulfilled her ego's need to have power over/under anyone she came in contact with. She could be a supplicant when she did not understand how she could satisfy herself through the use of the public access studio and personnel or demanding and virulently oppressive when she could use the system to her advantage. Both approaches avoided the need to look internally at what was making her sad and unrealized in her true nature which is unconditional love. Just easier and more ego satisfying for her to go on with the delusions. She left a trail of lawsuits and counter lawsuits in which she demanded restitution for all who has slighted her and a reprieve from the oppressors who sought the removal of her freedom and personal liberties. Each of the daughters were also accumulating an impressive amount of legal attack and defense scenarios in their young lives compliments of Mom's conditioning and hand-me-down fears.
At the parting of ways of these two personalities, both had not yet come to the realization
that they were operating from a limited and narrow self view. Suffering has a way to bring the being to a place where it cannot be tolerated any longer. Like Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, suffering can be the catalyst of change and personal liberation. Perhaps on their individual journeys, Zomperz and the Voodoo Queen have found liberation and the true nature of their being, unconditional love here in the present moment, the wholeness and joy of NOW. They deserve it. No one deserves to suffer.
Today, I realize there are a lot of Zomperz and Voodoo Queen archetypes that operate out of a sense of separateness and sadness. Again, there is no judgement, only the knowing that this sometimes leads to a real awakening of the true self. It is as it is. Knowing too, that my connectedness to all of humanity must be dealt with in respect, humility and service to others with sincere love and gratitude. No one is perfect in all aspects of the journey.
The deeper we go into the present moment, the only time we ever have, the more we can realize our true nature is love and connectedness.
One Love
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