Tongue Cancer Operation

Thursday, July 3rd was my hemiglossectomy (excision of part of the tongue). The operation went very well under the skilled hands of the Surgeon, Dr. Jackson and his team at Northside Hospital in Atlanta, GA. The procedure went so well in fact, I was back home resting on the 4th by 5pm. Nothing like being home to recover from surgery in your own environment.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the cancer on my tongue was very aggressive and sneaked past the chemotherapy and radiation therapy to surface again just one month past those treatments. Like in December, 2007, the symptom was a really painful, caused side effects and appeared as an alien-looking white ulcer on my tongue. See more about oral cancer.

Initially, after 3 weeks post radiation, I was genuinely feeling strong, putting on weight, going out out to a local coffee shop with my mates and eating eggs and drinking a wee bit of coffee. All felt well and I was really in recovery mode. Then by the 4th week post radiation therapy, I was starting to get fatigued again, my lymph nodes were swollen, my tongue was swollen and the alien invader on my tongue showed up. It was really, really large (at least to me) and stopped me from eating immediately. Had the nerve to be all white and shiny. Big honkin' white Frankenulcer that peered back at me in the mirror and freakin' hurt like hell. Fortunately, my PEG tube was still in place and I was able to get nutrition through nightly tube feedings that kept my strength up and weight from plummeting.

With that, the symptoms were causing me so much distress, I immediately made an appointment to see the Radiology Oncologist, the Chemotherapy oncologist and the ENT Surgeon. The biopsy taken on Tuesday, July 1st was sent to the med labs and on Wednesday, July 2nd, I was doing all the intake for the surgery for Thursday the 3rd. It was all so fast, but with cancer, you have to move fast. I would be happy to answer any questions about the procedure for anyone who needs the info. You can e-mail me direct at grfx303@gmail.com and I will get back with you ASAP.

Wanted to pass along the spiritual, physical and mental preparation I experienced so this may be of use to anyone going through complexity like this. I want to give you a no b.s. response. Life is too short and too precious to b.s. people or oneself. We as a people are all really wanting to be told the truth and be fed with the truth. Anything else is a cruel diversion. Although I promise not to belabor you good people with any religious schlock, I will pass along what works for me. I just do not believe in prescribing to a 'religion' as a practice for the life or death matters that we face. Alright, here is what I connected with since going into the doctors for my cancer on July 2nd. You don't have to do as I do, but at least you can peer into the process and clock it.

Core belief for me is that yes, Virginia we do have a spirit which I call my consciousness. This consciousness, for me, is the real “i”, some call it our soul. Cool. In other words, I do not sincerely believe I am my birth certificate, my name, my title , my cancer or the roles I play as a graphic designer and electronic musician. They are an external identification. The “i” that is my consciousness is connected to life everlasting and cannot not be so. It is the eternal being part of my human + being. My human part is a mechanical function which eats, farts and has an automatic system for digesting food and circulating my blood. I didn't have a whole lot to do with the spirit getting here, and thus I believe that since I am here in this container I have a purpose. This purpose is tied to the rest of the energy here in the form of other human beings and all the wonderfulness and shittiness that is on this planet. I have no particular powers, nor do I totally know some of even the smallest of reasons why this is so. It is just my human experience. I do respect all beliefs and wisdom. I am open to all wisdom and truth that lay on my “i” consciousness without wrinkling or staining it.

That said, I prepared for the cancer operation knowing that my human body will follow the destiny of all living things and will perish at some point. Not a whole lot of cause for concern as that is what happens to life forms on the planet. I also was extremely comforted by the fact that my energy would return to where it came and I do not have to worry about that in the least. Next, I made sure that I was not angry, vengeful or had any hate left in me for anyone, anything or any purpose. Those things rely on mental images and a movie playing to show your thought process you were wronged. The past, if doesn't contain love or a purpose for now is not useful, so I got clear on that. Next, I made sure that I had no resistance to the now, the present moment I operate in and the operations affects on my family, loved ones and “i”. Got clear on that. Next, I realized that what will be got to be. To me, only learning to give love and receive love presents the lessons needed to live. All the good stuff in life begins with love and continues with love. The more giving and the less getting, the more chance to find true purpose. If my purpose here is needed, here I am, if not, my energy returns to the main energy source. I placed my trust in my connectedness to the greater almighty and let it ride.

I tried to be like water, non-resistant and flow around things I didn't understand or maybe would have a hard time controlling. I let go a lot of emotional baggage and became locked in the present moment to observe my thoughts and emotions about the cancer operation that removed part of my tongue. What gave me peace is that through suffering, we often come upon our true life purpose. If I approach that with love and consciousness, I can be of some use to others, If I choose to be a victim, become pitiful and petty or even a 'cancer patient', I cannot serve my purpose. Again, just me talking, you gotta figure this out sooner or later in your situation. All I know is that the more negative crap we attach to our external human, the title, the roles, the ego who has a name on a birth certificate or drivers license, the more life just plain hurts. Through this series of events, I have come to accept that the only time we have is now, the present. The past s gone and the future is going to be a present moment. I can serve by being aligned with my present moment, the purpose and the service I can freely give to others. In this, I have great joy and great peace. I hope to provide love to folks on their way to and coming back from their own pilgrimage. I also hope to learn from their experiences and wisdom.

Of course there will be rough days ahead, of course there will be measures of disappointment and all the other things that befall us here on planet earth. I will continue to be a student and learn, pass on what I find and love as much as I can.
You are welcome to comment- everything accepted and acknowledged!

Creating Space for Healing

After waiting for the CT scan results to come through, the hours passed and time crinkled into a single moment. At the ENT's office I got the official word that the results were positive. Good news, it hadn't spread. Apparently the cancer is still flaring up on my tongue but is gone from my neck. I am about to undergo a procedure called a hemiglossectomy or excision of part of the tongue. This can include removal of half the tongue. Despite the treatment started back in December, 2007, the cancer became very aggressive, tricky and resistant to the chemotherapy and radiation therapies. This procedure is an attempt to isolate and remove the growth. Looks like the opera and competitive eating careers could be on hold.

So what advice can I offer to others who are facing a medical event like this? The best and most sane advice I can give is to be at peace with the decision, don't resist by putting an added story to the fact. Don't create anxiety, but create a space for healing around the event. What will be got to be as Bob Marley stated. Is cancer or any disease the real you? Is the definition of your body the real you? Hint: The real you is not the body, nor the disease. Contemplating these questions will involve a lot of searching. For every individual, this is going to be different. believe me, having an internal positivity toward any situation is going to help it along. There is less chance for resistance, both internal and external that can snag on the path. Fair, unfair, anger, pity, tears will not change what has to be, neither will a false sense of bravery or toughness. My focus is on the healing, not the labels put on the condition or the variables surrounding it. It is part of my experience on this planet. Good? Bad? It just is. Up to me to find that as useful and welcome on the journey. I am surrendering resistance and welcoming wellness, peace and healing. At some point, I'll eat a plate of hot barbecue wings in your honor!

Needless to say, the blog will be coasting for a week, but will be back on track soon.

One Love

Hi-zen Input

Game on. Filling up on some good soul vibes like a junk food addict in preparation for the play coming up this Thursday – surgery day. No real way to prepare for something that is usually not a desired experience. But the outcome and this present moment depends on getting some Hi-zen input. surrounding my present with the acceptance and fluidity to accept all outcomes. Ready like a soldier.

If you have ever seen or worked with an audio mixer, you can see that music instruments or microphones can be connected by an audio able into the mixer. The mixer balances the audio inputs and sums everything up to a digital or analog stereo or 5.1 surround output to the speakers or PA. The term for which kind of input used is called impedance. This means that the electrical balance of the instrument matches the best possibility of signal strength to noise ration. Impedance is known as high or low impedance also called Hi or Low Z. A microphone needing power is usually a low-z input on the mixer. A guitar or keyboard is usually a hi-z input on the mixer.

Getting a hi-zen input into the mix is my way of getting into alignment with what is to be and what is. I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. The thing to avoid is an impedance mismatch in which the outcome of the process is distorted and unusable. The best outcome is to be present in the experience and seek the lessons from it.

Another Day, Another Fight

Noticed a new, painful ulcer on my tongue about two weeks ago and made an appointment to see the radiology oncologist. He explains that along the intersection of existing tongue incisions is an area where the tissue does not receive enough blood supply and often ulcerates. Well, the alien spawn sprouting from my tongue attested to the fact that was definitely out of the ordinary. It was recommended that I see the ENT who performed my right radial neck dissection to learn more about the ulcer and its ensuing painful visitation. The ear pain, kind of like being jabbed with a long knitting needle at odd intervals was caused by a mixup of the brain's neural communication net that transferred the pain signals from the tongue and placed them in the ear, where there is actually no pain source. Just feels like it is emanating from the ear, but it is actually carried by the nerves of the tongue.

What is this new threat, this pulsing, white-bulbed, ulcerated angry alien intruder? Biopsy time. A biopsy is when a sample of the tissue is taken from the affected area that can be analyzed for cancer. There are two painful components of this procedure, one physical and one mental. The physical part, of course, is the actual removal of living tissue from the tongue. Being a sensitive instrument of taste and communication, the process of removing tissue is to not cause pain or suffering and so a numbing spray is used to deaden sensation. Along with the spray, a shot of Novocain or similar solution is used directly into separate areas of the tongue. After waiting a sufficient amount of time for the nerves to be de-sensitized the biopsy is performed and the tissue removed. I'm sure every experience is different, but my experience brought me no joy.

The secondary pain associated is the waiting. Waiting for the biopsy to be analyzed and determined to be or not to be cancerous. A plan is made for both instances and a 'limbo' period opens up until the time when a face to face is done in the ENT's office that will decide what will be done. The best way to deal with limbo is to live in the present moment and enjoy and appreciate what you do have. The minute you find out the news is just another present moment we call the 'future', but if you can get your head around the fact that it will be 'now', in a block on the calendar, it is easier to place your reaction to that determination in 'now'. At this point, I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. To resist builds up a lot of negative energy that is especially hard to release under duress. Instead, I am trying to be still and listen for the lesson in this situation. It is at these junctions in life that we are revealed for who we are, not what we think other people think we are. I am going to be who I am no matter what my exo-person, this body, is undergoing. Tissue changes, growing or dying as time passes. The energy that lives inside the body is the engine that is going to fight. The body is there for the ride. Game on.

A Brief Encounter With Divinity

Leaving the ENT's office yesterday afternoon after getting some sobering news, I was entering the foyer of the medical office to exit the building. My brother from another mother and volunteer transportation officer, Miron, went off to answer a call to nature and I had a few minutes to sit by myself. My mind was focused on what the doctor had told me about the progress in my battle with cancer (more on this in a future post) and I as not really paying attention to my surroundings.

Eventually, I looked up at the sound of two voices in the center of the foyer. An elderly couple were preparing to exit and they were getting the parking toll fee ready by counting out wrinkly single dollar bills from each of their pockets. The elderly woman was talking softly and motioning to the the gentleman in the wheel chair. The elderly man, who was speaking in short, almost inaudible and indiscernible tones, was trying his best to communicate. The woman was kind and reassuring, keeping the focus on the present moment and away from the elderly gentleman's discomfort. Her attention to his wellness and well being shown in her patience and understanding along with her humble service to his needs. She constantly repeated phrases to him that his benighted ears couldn't hear, never losing patience. She treated him with a loving kindness that was the essence of what great art and poetry is made of.

The grace demonstrated to me in the span of thirty seconds left me astounded, It occurred to me that what I was witnessing was not two elderly people discussing getting their car from the parking deck to their destination, but the substance of what the world's religions teaches us about divinity. There before me was two very frail, very average and unassuming old folks who in the winter of life shone with new life.

There was only strength that came from the bond they shared in their infirmness, in their impermanence, in their weakness. By serving each other, by being there for one another, by a conviction to see their task accomplished. Together, in the present moment, the couple were nothing short of a picture of divinity. No complaining, no outward reliance on anyone or anything, no self-pity or need for attention, they just were there for each other. You could tell that they had learned some very high order spiritual lessons by their actions. It's amazing what love can do to show strength and power in old age and weakness. Lesson learned-now to go and practice and share.

I encourage you all to visit Chris Guillebeau's excellent web site called The Art of Non-Conformity to get the free 29 page manifesto called "A Brief Guide to World Domination."

Here's a few things you'll learn in Chris's report:

*The Two Most Important Questions in the Universe
*Why Ruling and Changing the World are Interrelated
*The Clear Alternative to Being Unremarkably Average
*True Stories from Zen Habits, Kiva, Randy Pausch, and more
*Life Lessons from my Singapore Airlines flight to Tokyo

The report asks readers to consider two questions (the previously-mentioned "most important questions in the universe"). On the site, you can post your own answers to those questions and add your responses.

Chris is really breaking new ground and bringing subjects to light that we haven't found framed in this fashion. Challenge yourself and learn with "A Brief Guide to World Domination." I like to visit Chris's site to see how he and others are staying creative in complexity and offering real world solutions.

In response to Chris's questions, here are my submittals:

What do you really want to get out of life?
- Wisdom to see beneath the surface and understand the spiritual mechanics of life that drive everything else and how it all works together. I would then like to pass this on through what I do as an electronic musician and pilgrim.

What can you offer the world that no one else can?
- Some life experience of the Universe running through me as part of the whole connected force. Perhaps there are some aspects that others may find useful in their journey. A palm for those on their way from the pilgrimage and a pointer for those trying to get there.

What Can I really offer?
- To look inward and constantly be aware that I am connected to the whole of life. To learn from this and share, because what I find within myself is universal for all men.

What will you make of it?
- To be grateful for each present moment and from this abundance, give and share joy, wisdom, revolution and revelation. Give and share from experience as you have a sole insight into your experience. Never stop learning from babes and old souls with humility and humor.

Additionally, I wanted to add a bit of verse.

the universe
can use all things
to gather
harmony

Let me know your responses in the comments area!
One Love

The Passing of George Carlin

This morning's news of the passing of George Carlin has left me pondering a few things about life courtesy of the comedic genius. Throughout all of my teen years and adult life, Carlin shadowed the mainstream with his own brand of critical insight and comedic philosophy.

Never one to follow, he forged his own path to his view of the world and made a lot of us the more wiser. Carlin, for me, promoted a healthy questioning of staid ideals and foreshadowed a more potent form of empowerment- humor. From his raunchy comedy forays in his HBO specials to his voicing of the children's cartoon Thomas the Tank Engine, Carlin never failed to deliver an astounding array of agility in working with and without the system. I hope to retain his ability to question and self-observe as well as remain creative in complexity as he had. He will be missed.

Why I am Wasting Your Timelessness

Each and every day, someone or something is vying for your attention. From your family, co-workers and buds, to every single electronic device spewing some form of ad pollution, all want your undivided attention. If you are like me, you only have so much you can give or tolerate for that matter. Your attention, you see, is the complete focused energy of your being. It is usually reserved for those life situations that make up your personal and professional waking moments. Your family, co-workers and buds are given more attention real estate, like beachfront real estate than the common interruptions of ads and folks trying to chit chat on the Metro. With the ginormous amount of blah blowing over you in billows, it can get pretty tiring by the end of the day when you turn off the box as the last ad for beer or male enhancement makes its pitch for your bloodshot consideration. Before you know it, bedtime is upon you, your day spent, your attention 4 sheets to the wind.

All this means is that the real you, not the necktie guy in the company newsletter, the makeup applying Chica in the rearview mirror or the photobombed student is scattered, battered and about to hulk out. Reason? With all the time we have separated out into little plots of 'to do', there is rarely time to be with yourself in your time and your place. When you can get there, this is your timelessness. Timelessnes is where good memories are made and spread around like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, where you are connected to people who wish you health and life, where the inner you, the real you is at peace.

The next time I come at you with drivel about something that is essentially irrelevant in your space of awareness, I am, in essence wasting your timelessness. I am not engaging you, I am jacking your attention away from something more meaningful-your life. Family, co-workers and buds and the relentless marketers are all just waiting for the opportunity to pimp some new tumor on your timelessness. You have to decide who gets in the door to share the cookies with.

Simply knowing this is happening is a good start to better care and feeding of your timelessness. You can start building up your awareness of yourself anytime you want, like right after the last song on your playlist after you finish adding a friend to MeatSpace. Stop twittering for long enough to go timeless!

Please Don't Bother Me

On my morning walk with the moon sinking into dawn, I was contemplating the journey thus far. Walking for me, is the perfect time to loosen the moorings from conventional day to day business and aim for something just outside my circle of averageness. It's fun trying to just be open and let the universe drop something in for a change.

This morning, I noticed a young man approaching from the other direction. He is probably in his early twenties, black shirt, jeans, ear buds in place along with a nervous energy and commitment to avoid any contact. As in the past I speak to him “Good Morning!”, and wave to him in case his audio is set to block unwanted earthlings. His response is to scurry along faster, eyes averted as if he were about to be accosted. He gives no response.

Couldn't help but think how avoiding interaction could be a mode that we adopt when external stimulus is just too much to take. I wondered if we ever get over that or is that a bed we have to lie in. People change for the better and for the worst. It's good to be on the path to where your journey is and recognize it is a journey.

Are you an avoider or an engager?

One Love

Identifying With Your Cancer

In posting experiences to the Psiplex Blog, I often mention for new readers that I am battling and surviving head and neck cancer. I am, in some fashion apprising others of a condition. But is that all there is to it, or is there more? In speaking with other cancer survivors as well as responding on forums like CancerCompass and Caring4Cancer I see a lot of patients/survivors phrase their experience by saying: 'my breast cancer', 'my throat cancer', or 'my cancer journey'. What does this really mean? Are these folks and myself identifying with cancer as to say I and my cancer are one and the same'? In a way, we, as human beings often need to associate with something bigger than ourselves. This depends on what stage of life and maturity you are in at the moment, but it is a fact. For example, we can associate the work we do to earn an income with the larger organization we work with. If I make my living as a residential realtor, I may identify myself with the parent company who makes hundreds of millions of dollars per year. I may associate my self with a larger organized entity in my beliefs, vocation and personal interests. I may not see myself as a single lonely web developer, but as a part of a larger web developer community that is well respected. It seems to be a hallmark of our nature and our egos to be a part of something bigger and perhaps more 'meaningful'. Hey, I'm a card-carrying member of [insert your organization here], my friend. These days, I am trying to be careful not to equate my identity with my cancer battle and survivorship. The part of me creating music and graphics is not my cancer, so I have clarity to separate the effect from the cause.

What aspect of your cancer journey are you really linked to? Has the ordeal itself somehow become you? With cancer or any other life threatening illness, is this mentally and spiritually healthy? From my personal viewpoint, this is not a good way to go and here's why: I do not believe my illness or my physical condition is the essential 'me'. Huh? I do not believe the pattern of cells making up my physical human form is my energy, that is, my life energy. May sound a bit like new age spew, but think about it, the state of your physical form at 18, 29, 45, 60, 80 is not the same. The 'me' you are in at this moment as you read this will change fundamentally in 20 years. Are you still 'me'? A part of you will be, a part of you will not be. Your container, your beautifully fit, tanned, well groomed and well cared for outer 'me' at the peak of your physicality will not be nearly the same at age 77. No kiddin'. Neither will your much vaunted (and maybe over-valued) brain. Are either of these cell-based entities the real you? I freaking hope not. Well, neither is your cancer or life threatening disease, or the mole on your chin. They just aren't you! The thoughts, beliefs and emotions you schlep around with each day contribute to your identity you have of your 'me' and your view of what others say about the you they believe is you adds to this 'me'.

Conformist, no-conformist, corporate rock star, geek girl optima, mad hatter or button-down cubicle droid, our portable exterior 'me' chunks are only the external manifestations of what we and others bolt on to it. The portable exterior 'me' can be influenced by your perception and what you allow others to bolt on. It takes another kind of journey to find out this is not so. Are you identifying with your cancer or are you going further in your inward journey to discover the 'ah-ha' moment?

Set your ego aside and let me know what you come up with. I'll set mine aside to humbly and quietly listen.

One Love

Paying for Cancer Care: Caring 4 Cancer and News

It's been a wonderful week in getting the Graphic Flux Design Challenge in motion. Today, however, I wanted to get back to some important cancer information and links to share with everyone.

Paying for cancer care can be financially devastating. Along with the diagnosis, this one-two punch can severely restrict individuals and families and clobber them right when they need the most support.

There is a wonderfully helpful web site called Caring 4 Cancer that is a good starting point to learn about the physical, emotional and financial aspects of diagnosis, treatment and survivorship. Being able to learn how to go about your cancer care is laid out in easy to digest sections with more detail added as you go further into each section. For example, in my case, I look up 'Head and Neck Cancer' and find a general description of the cancer and I can click to learn more in depth information. Nice and simple.

As for the Financial Support section, there is a concise layout for understanding the steps necessary to confront the cost of dealing with cancer. The sections are:
• Navigating the Payment Maze
• The Basics of Insurance
• Understanding Managed Care
• Understanding Medicaid
• Understanding Medicare
• Help with Medical Costs
• 2 eNewsletter subscriptions

Most families impacted by a love ones' cancer diagnosis will have to deal with the financial and insurance-relate aspects of the treatment. Pleas let me know if I can add other links and information by commenting.

Cancer News

One of the web sites I have come to use on a daily basis is Cancer Compass. Just noticed their Cancer News had an interesting article on HPV and its link to cancer. My ENT (ear nose and throat specialist) as well as my Radiology Oncologist strongly suggested HPV as a major cause in newer diagnosis of the type of cancer I am battling. My ENT said that acid reflux, in all likelihood, was the cause of my tumor on the base of my tongue. I was shocked as I never really felt like I had heartburn or anything, but following his suggestions and looking further into it, I agree with his prognosis. As a result I am taking Prevacid Solutabs to manage the acid in my stomach. The HPV findings are a real eye opener in the cancer community and my Radiology Oncologist shared that with me on my last visit. They are extremely interested in pursuing all related research to confirm HPV as a major cause on developing cancer. You can read more about the latest news at Cancer Compass and the article “Researchers Blame Hpv For Rise In Throat Cancer” HPV and cancer.

While the ongoing Graphics Flux Design Challenge is a creative blast, I want to continue offering other cancer-related information to you as well as creative and artistic offerings. Have a fun weekend! One Love.

The Graphic Flux June Graphic Design Challenge

You are invited you to join Graphic Flux – A Collective Graphic Design Blogging

Project.

This project can also be joined by non Blog Catalog members. Thanks to

Graphic Identity

for the concept and powering the challenge!

Get ready to push your pixels to the max for the June Graphic Flux Challenge! Your mission is to create one CD artwork cover design for a fictional indie band. The parameters are as follows:

The group's name is Xerces. They are your countrymen and need to make a global impact with this release. Groundbreaking artwork for their CD will be used to carry over to their other media to create a strong connection to the group. Xerces' main focus is music for rain forests. They are all about letting the world know about this incredible but shrinking resource. They would like the CD artwork to reflect their passion for rain forests. Xerces wants to keep the artwork 4-color and their only other requirement is to use the font face 'Petie Boy' available for a free download from Bittbox

http://www.bittbox.com/freebies/bb-petie-boy/

CD Cover art Dimensions

: 4.75" Width x 4.75" High
Front Design Only - No back

Title

is the band's name: Xerces

Download a layered CD artwork sample Photoshop file to help get you started

What to Do?

In every month's round, we will set a new graphic design task for the participants. We think that different theme challenge in monthly time line set would encourage you to stay creative with more challenging task.
We will choose the blog host every month to showcase all the entries. If you are a Blog Catalog user, and has been actively involved in our group called Blog Catalog Graphic Design Group, then your chance to be chosen as the host blog for this project should be more. As we announce the new monthly round task, give yourself time to design as what will be described in Graphic Identity blog or the host Blog! We think that monthly round timeline should give all the participants to design and relax into pure creative time.Create your graphic design based on the theme’s format and rules. When you are finished with your design, just post it in your blog and don’t forget to link back to the chosen host blog and to the Graphic Flux announcement post on the host blog itself. If you are not a blogger, you can always write a guest post about your submission design on my blog or your friend’s blog. Describe your design process tricks and tips or just share the story of why you come up with your design.
We will notice that you are in the game, by contacting to the Graphic Flux blog host of the month via email or post a comment to the Graphic Flux announcement post and include:

1

. Your name

2

. Your blog name and URL

3

. Your design post permalink
The deadline for each entry submission would be in the date of 30th every month. Once the submissions are in, the host blog will pick some of the best designs and showcase them on a round up post in the following month. You are allowed to contribute only one design per project/site. You can submit to this blog to Psiplex, the hosting site for this month at: grfx303@gmail.com or, if you use Flickr, you can submit to this public link: http://www.flickr.com/groups/734253@N25/ Just click the add photos or video link to add your submission.

The Deadline for the design submission would be in:

June 30th 2008

What You Will Get from This Blogging Project

• We like the idea of staying connected to each other’s blog. Which are you probably have done it by commenting on a someone’s blog post, subscribing to a blog, or many things that you can do to get involved in everyone’s blog. Well this collective blogging activity would somehow connect you in more unique way :D
• You can learn new tips and techniques from other blogger mates who have joined this blogging project.
Showcase your design work in a growing community and having a chance to let people find out more about you.
• You will get more related back links and of course: Link Love. By the end of the month, Graphic Identity blog will give the link love to all the participants of this graphic design project in a monthly round up post. Graphic Identity Blog now has received PR 5, so please use this benefit and submit your entry!

The Mirror Effect

This image called 'Mirror Forest' started off as a photo I shot in late Spring a few years ago. I recently rediscovered it going through some files on an external drive. I used a mirror effect in Photoshop and this is what came out. It's kind of a mysterious looking pattern formed with the mirror effect and creates a lot of interesting shapes and movement. Click on the image for a larger view.

At the time I shot the photo, I couldn't imagine the end result. Standing near this wooded area on a misty Atlanta morning, the sun was busy burning off and scattering the water vapor leaving the dramatic looking lighting. The lighting looks Photoshopped, but it was a natural thing when I shot it.

It is really nice to find happy accidents in your work when they are least expected. This particular image imparts a natural mystic vibe that makes you peer into the image and look for some kind of message. Couldn't help but think of Bob Marley's song 'Natural Mystic'. Here is a YouTube link to check out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VRGANguGQE

I am interested to hear your interpretation on the Mirror Forest image. Also, would love to see your own original images and art that gives us pause for contemplation.

Slow Progress, Steady Gains

After hitting the two week mark after concluding radiation therapy for head and neck cancer, I have a few things to share. As readers of this blog know, my battle with head and neck cancer has been documented here from diagnosis to the surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy I underwent to eradicate cancer. The main idea I want to impart to folks battling cancer and their family and friends is that progress is slow. Sometimes maddeningly slow. It has to be measured in day-to-day increments, and sometime hourly progress. I say this because the discomfort levels due to treatment and the cancer itself can make it tough to get through the night and day. Folks who are undergoing cancer treatment will attest to the fact that the imbalances caused by chemotherapy, radiation and surgery can really affect the immune system and the overall healing process.

At the two past radiation milestone, I feel a slow return of functionality and strength. Weight gain is still slow. I started out two weeks ago at 137 lbs. but have gained a few pounds and am now hovering around 140 lbs. My natural weight is around 153 lbs. I have been walking each day since the end of radiation in the early morning to gain balance, strength and to help flush the chemicals from my body. I am up to about ¼ mile and feel fatigued afterward, but satisfied. The walking is strengthening my legs and endurance promoting better sleep and giving me a sense of purpose in my survivorship. Each day is getting slightly easier, and the walking pace is picking up a bit. Definitely recommend walking as a part of recovery. Exercising moderately will help to build muscle tone and eventually, bone marrow that will strengthen the immune system.

Still dealing with the mouth sores and dry mouth which prevents eating real food in a normal fashion. One excellent blog article on dry mouth, called xerostomia, written by Tina Radcliffe is useful in understanding the symptoms and management of dry mouth. Good tips on self care and eating foods that won't exacerbate the situation. For me, a vanilla milkshake mixed with instant breakfast works because of the added protein and the soothing coolness of fresh milk and ice cream. I can tolerate scrambled eggs pretty well and cottage cheese. I don't recommend a lot of dairy, but at this point, gaining weight and adding protein is important for my recovery. Skin care involves applying a lot of aloe-based lotion and regular skin moisturizer to the areas hit by the radiation treatment. This involves covering a larger area the lotion due to the radiation using exit points and spreading the inflammation. I use the aloe about 3 times per day. If I am going outside in the hot Atlanta summer weather, I use plenty of sunscreen. Getting a sunburn on the radiation areas is not an option and is to be avoided. Additionally, getting plenty of water and staying hydrated is important for a lot of obvious reasons.

I would be happy to answer any questions regarding radiation therapy recovery and my experience. You can post your comments and experiences here to share with others.

One Love

Graphic Flux – Collective Graphic Design Blogging Project

Posted by Graphic Identity:

It was started from a small discussion with graphic designer friends who are also bloggers, I have an idea to set a collective graphic design blogging activity. An event that I hope will be continuously persist in every month and growing.

The main objective is to showcase everyone skills and talent in graphic design. The submission entries don’t have to appear like somewhat of professional graphic designer can do. They can be a process of a newbie experiment to learn advance technique...anything that will express your sense of art in graphic design or simple stuff that has developed from creativity.

Graphic Flux is the title of this Collective Graphic Design Project and it was first brought by Psiplex.com. We hope that this collective blogging project will dynamically visualized your graphic design as we are calling out more and more graphic designers or everyone who has big passion to graphic design to get involved into this project.

What to Do?

In every month round, we will set a new graphic design task for the participants. We think that different theme challenge in monthly time line set would encourage you to stay creative with more challenging task.
We will choose the blog host every month to showcase all the entries. If you are a Blog Catalog user, and has been actively involved in our group called Blog Catalog Graphic Design Group, then your chance to be chosen as the host blog for this project should be more.
As we announce the new monthly round task, give yourself time to design as what will be described in Graphic Identity blog or the host Blog! We think that monthly round timeline should give all the participants to design and relax into pure creative time.
Create your graphic design based on the theme’s format and rules.
When you are finished with your design, just post it in your blog and don’t forget to link back to the chosen host blog and to the Graphic Flux announcement post on the host blog itself. If you are not a blogger, you can always write a guest post about your submission design on my blog or your friend’s blog.
Describe your design process tricks and tips or just share the story of why you come up with your design.
We will notice that you are in the game, by contacting to the Graphic Flux blog host of the month via email or post a comment to the Graphic Flux announcement post (depends on the announcement rules set by the host blog) and include:
1. Your name
2. Your blog name and URL
3. Your design post permalink
The deadline for each entry submission would be in the date of 30th every month. Once the submissions are in, the host blog will pick some of the best designs and showcase them on a round up post in the following month.
You are allowed to contribute only one design per project/site.

What You Will Get from This Blogging Project

• We like the idea of staying connected to each other’s blog. Which are you probably have done it by commenting on a someone’s blog post, subscribing to a blog, or many things that you can do to get involved in everyone’s blog. Well this collective blogging activity would somehow connect you in more unique way :D
• You can learn new tips and techniques from other blogger mates who have joined this blogging project.
Showcase your design work in a growing community and having a chance to let people find out more about you.
• You will get more related back links and of course: Link Love. By the end of the month, Graphic Identity blog will give the link love to all the participants of this graphic design project in a monthly round up post. Graphic Identity Blog now has received PR 5, so please use this benefit and submit your entry when we launch this project next week!

The Blog Host for this collective project is already chosen, and that would be Psiplex.com. While we gather more participants within a week, kindly subscribe to Graphic Identity blog Feed to hear the next update about the project task for the June’s round.

Music as a Resource

While working through recovery, music has been a wonderful resource for inspiration, sanity and fun. From recent music favorites like German minimal and techno artist Ellen Allien to standbys Bob Marley, Stephen and Damian Jr. Gong Marley, I have put together a playlist at Songza that is working for me. If you are interested in hearing my recent playlist, you can get the RSS feed and experience the tunes yourself or start your own playlist to share.

You can also view my YouTube playlist to see videos of some of my favorite artists. Would be great to see and share your favorites!

Let me know how you use music to deal with complexity and aid in your fight with cancer and wellness. What music drives you? What music makes you more creative?

Hopng to post some more original music very soon. In the meantime, you can check out my original track, Ching Theory.

Face It. Fight It. Survive It.

Throughout my battle with cancer, I have come to the conclusion that there really are only two possible decisions I could have made when I received my diagnosis. Back in December of 2007, I was told about the head and neck cancer along with the rough road I would take in order to survive. At this point, I was faced with basically halting everything that was in motion and laying it all down to fight for my life.

The two choices I had to plot the rest of my time here on the planet was to give up or find the will to fight cancer. Thinking about my family, the decision was a simple one- I was not going out without a fight. That is what is so important to new patients getting diagnosed with head and neck or other cancer. You have to fight for your loved ones, family, friends and colleagues. Giving up is not an option. It is not an easy decision to make, but you will never regret fighting as it gives you more time with the treasure we have here on earth, the love we have in our families and friends. As I found out, nothing I owned, lost, earned or gave up is worth more than the love you have for your family, their love for you and the blessing of true, good friends.

The first few days were tough, the rest of them tougher. The fight plan I had included staying creative doing what I loved- graphic design and creating electronic music. Many days, I was simply too tore up to participate, but I tried to at least have fun, think about the creative process (which kept me from thinking too much about the side effects) and generally, stay positive. My family were like angels who had a safety net open for me and kept me in the fight. It was nothing I did for myself physically, it was the momentum of caring supplied by my Home Team that made each day bearable, livable and one for the survivor books. I will be glad to answer any questions you may have regarding any of this, I realize this is all very generic and vague, so please send along your questions or other dialogue.

The fight during cancer treatment for me was just as simple as a daily effort in overcoming nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, chemo brain constipation, diarrhea, not being able to swallow, mucositis, dry mouth, scratchy throat, no saliva, pain, no appetite, weight loss, hair loss, some neurological issues and other nasties with my surgery. It wasn't an epic battle at dawn with Megatron but a daily, if not hourly overcoming of the nasties. That's it. I fought from my bed and chair with a bunch of meds and as much nutrition as I could get down. No Transformer weapons of light sabres, just a daily commitment to Face It. Fight It. Survive It. For me, that's been enough. Day by day it gets better and I get a bit stronger. I wish all the other fighters and survivors strength and courage in their battle! Have a great weekend!

Love Continues to Beat the Clock

Some poetry I wrote to start the day:

A guitar drone
a cylinder pulled
from a ticking machine
reminders that time
drips and seeps between
the cracks of
eyelids drying on
sidewalks
to grit

The love and moments of connection we have with our family, lovers and dearest friends are alive in a timeless and eternal part of life that is beyond time. While this may be perceived as memory, I have to believe that the energy of these connections in which love is the guiding force, continues. They are moments out of time and beyond it. What we share in sincerity, honesty and love cannot be tied to a clock or calendar. We can take these memories with us to our last days and they remain as fresh and alive as the moment they blessed our lives. Time as a way to mark hours and years is relevant for a body's work, but not for spirits whose love lives on in life.

How do you see your love continuing? Do you think love is bound by time like everything else?

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

New Music Track- Ching Theory

Introducing 'Ching Theory' an original music track I made for the pure joy of it. This is the first in a series of posts that will have some original electronic music. I think it is important to create from life experience and when inspiration and creativity strike. Listen to the

Ching Theory MP3

after the jump.

Summer Refresh at Psiplex

New for Summer! Psiplex has an updated new look for Summer. As Psiplex grows into a focus on staying creative in complexity, I wanted the logo to reflect this direction a bit better than the 'Alien Pal. Don't worry, Alien Pal is still a part of Psiplex. I intend to have the Alien Pal represent the electronic music offerings coming out in the next few months.


The new logo is based on having a more identifiable online presence as well as representing the Psiplex concept in a less abstract way. The two combined forms of the letter 'P' show balance but at an angle that suggest movement- kind of like moving through complexity to get to your goal.

The Alien Pal mark was a real abstract thought that kind of just happened. I was playing around in Adobe Illustrator about 5 years a go when this thing just kind of formed itself. I kept it in a folder and always thought it might look good on a t-shirt or something. when I started the Psiplex blog back in February of this year, the Alien Pal seemed to work at the time as my whole cancer experience was alien and complex.

As Summer dawns and things grow and change, so too will the Psiplex experience. As my beat-up body slowly recovers from the nastiness of the chemotherapy and radiation therapy in my battle with cancer, I want to put more effort into the creative aspects of life. This means reaching out to folks who are going to be facing the same battle I faced. There is nothing more important to me now than to be of service to other cancer patients. My new phrase for this is:

“

Face it. Fight It. Survive it

”. So what's next? Learning more about being an advocate for those in need, creating original electronic music I can share with you and getting better physically, mentally and emotionally. Continue work on other offerings like the

Psiplex Shop

(Tees, Caps and Gifts, oh my!) Would love to see your comments, suggestions/rants/other on the new logo.